We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead – 2 Corinthians 1:8-9
Over the years, I know I’ve read that passage many times. One day, as I read those two verses, it hit me – the Apostle Paul testified that he went through such trials that the pressure and severity brought him to the point where he even “despaired of life”! Here was a man who received direct revelations from our Lord! He knew God’s presence in a way that few men have known. Moved by the Holy Spirit, Paul wrote the letters that have become a part of the Holy Scriptures! You would think that Paul, on a daily basis, depended and relied on God for everything. And I’m sure he did on many levels. But from what I read here, God allowed him to endure such hardship that its very purpose was to force Paul to shed the shearest veil of self-suffiency. He proclaims, “But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.” Imagine that! This man lived so close to God, and yet God pressed Paul to the point that Paul’s only comfort – and his only source of hope – was the Lord Jesus.
Most of the time, I think I’ve trusted God for everything – especially at times when I have everything. And I feel I’ve sufficiently depended on the Lord, especially when everything is working just right. But this year has brought such adversity - from many different directions, at the same time! How easily I have felt, “Lord, what are you doing? How can I get through all of these problems!”
Ana and I have felt the Lord’s blessings so many times in so many ways. And this past Labor Day weekend, we were blessed to move into a wonderful new home. But I must admit – there were trials and tribulations almost at every turn! In addition to the problems associated with the selling, buying and moving into a new home, terrific pressures have assailed me at work – to the point, I’ve prayed and longed for God to let me be able to retire from my present employment and find a new line of work. Other matters have also risen that have placed Ana and myself under significant pressure. We have close family members who have caused us heartache as we acknowledge that they are not all living in a manner that is consistent with God’s Word – the number of tears we have shed.
And then last week, my sweet wife was laid off from her job – cut backs. After nine years of devoted service to her employer, she was laid off while newer temporary employees are allowed to stay. So, we just bought this new house, and Ana loses her job.
What is the point in writing all of this? Our closest friends have told us these trials are for my benefit – more than for Ana’s benefit. She has taken things in stride, and she is excitedly waiting to see where God wants her to serve Him. I have always felt that I trust and depend on God – sufficiently. But the pressures that we have been under for the last months have tested me - strained me – pressed me, and are teaching me that I must wholey lean on Christ and His promises. The pressures have been overwhelming – God knows. But I’m convinced more than ever that this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.
